Hang in There

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This article originally appeared in the March/April 2019 issue of Fostering Families Today and is reposted with permission.

At age 14, I had been working at a restaurant for a few months when I decided I was going to commit suicide by going into the restroom during my shift and taking an entire bottle of pills. When I finished swallowing all the pills, I continued bussing tables until I felt an urge to tell my manager what I had done. He called 911, and I was hospitalized for over a week. I was sure I had lost my job, which I enjoyed, but to my surprise, when I called the restaurant, he told me to get better so I could come back to work.

That job became a stable part of my life, which was often chaotic, with family conflicts, me struggling with my identity, and eventually my parents moving across the country and me living with my grandmother. I worked there until I went to college. I think the stability of that job, and the bond I formed with my coworkers and the manager gave me a sense of belonging, and helped me survive those drama-filled years. I am still in touch with the restaurant owner, who became like a mentor, and am grateful for the second chance and support I was given.

That and other experiences, led me to want to be a therapist so I could help others, similar to how I had been helped. My first internship was in a group home, where I saw many teenagers age out of the system with no permanent home or stability. While I started out thinking I could help through therapy, I quickly learned that these kids were extremely resilient, but due to different circumstances, were unable to find permanency through adoption or reunification.

When I was 26, a juvenile justice ­involved youth I was mentoring through a program called Girls and Gangs was struggling with homelessness, and ended up moving in with me. At age 27 I went through the process to become a foster parent through Los Angeles County, and have had anywhere from two to four youth living with me at any given time since then. I also continue to work as a clinical supervisor for a nonprofit that focuses on the mental health needs of kids who have experienced trauma.

As a foster parent, sometimes it can feel that we are battling every system to help these youth get a fair shot. Not only are we working with the youth’s behaviors and trauma history, but also school concerns, legal issues, court dates, visitations and general bureaucracy. At times it can seem overwhelming. I think the hardest time for me was when I gave a seven-day notice (when a foster parent asks a social worker to move a child from their home and move them to another home) on a child because I felt like I could not manage her behavior and keep her safe. I felt like I had failed her, since I always wanted to be there unconditionally.

While at the time I felt like giving a seven-day notice was the best route, that child’s behaviors became more dangerous after leaving, and she went to three more placements after my home, with her finally landing in a short-term residential treatment program, where she continues to work on transitioning to a lower level of care like a foster home.

Children with challenging behaviors and backgrounds can be difficult to parent, but if somehow you can ride the wave of whatever is causing the most drama at the time, things do get better. Kids naturally start improving when they feel a sense of stability and security, and they will test limits for several different reasons. They might prefer to feel in control, and like they got themselves removed from a placement, rather than being moved without knowing when or why. They also might have experienced so much trauma that they are still in fight or fight mode, which might have been adaptive at one time, but now is causing them to react aggressively to perceived threats that are not current dangers. They might be adjusting to a new area, culture and rules while struggling with learning what is expected of them. It is important to figure out the underlying need behind their behaviors, and to be as nonjudgmental and consistent as possible.

While the classes to become a foster parent did help prepare me, I think what helped me more were the experiences I had interfacing with the mental health system in my childhood. My experience in the child mental health system included seven hospitalizations, having psychiatrists continuously changing my medication, resulting in me having been on 10 different medications at different points, the many switches of therapists, and the times I felt understood and safe, compared to the times I felt frustrated and crazy. What I came to learn is that someone does not need a degree to help a child succeed, but someone who is able to help that youth feel accepted and like they are worth something, like the manager of the restaurant I worked at, can help youth far more than any professional. All of these experiences, the good and the bad, prepared me for the challenges that come with being a foster parent.

The first youth who moved in with me almost four years ago went through many struggles. We wrote many behavior contracts with expectations, but she is still living here, working, and in college, and she is proud of herself for “beating the statistics.” The youngest child who ever moved in with me was 9 and also struggled with hospitalizations, similar to mine, but with a lot of support and effort, she is still in my home. She is now 12, more stable, and I am in the process of adopting her.

Every youth who has ever entered my home has had at least four previous placements, but some as many as 10. It’s no wonder that it is difficult to trust, difficult to adjust, and that challenging behaviors surface. A quote that stays with me, by Father Greg Boyle is, “Here is what we seek: a compassion that can stand in awe at what the poor have to carry rather than stand in judgment at how they carry it.” This applies to more than just poverty, but also to trauma. If there is a way to stay there with a youth, and somehow manage to preserve their placement, that will help them more than any tutoring or therapy service.

As a young, single, lesbian, working, foster parent with my own history of mental health issues, I am not a typical foster parent. However, different youth in the system do better with different types of families, and there is no one-size-fits-all foster home. As foster parents we must try to figure out what works for the kids in our home, and for us, and to try and find peace that will help the child stay as long as they need to. If a situation with a child becomes challenged and a child must leave your home, it’s important to try to keep the relationship open. Their past relationships are everything, so whether it be prior placements, or biological family, try your best to keep that contact open, which will help them adjust and improve their self-esteem in the long run.

Never underestimate your impact on a child’s life, or the work that you are doing to improve outcomes, as a foster parent. Whether you find out your impact soon, in the long run, or you never do, just know how much any amount of stability and unconditional care can change the trajectory of a child. Even when it gets tough, seek support, hang in there, and hopefully the situation will improve over time.

Vicky Garafola, LCSW, is an LA County resource parent. Garafola graduated from UCLA with a degree in psychology and sociology. She earned a Masters in Social Work from USC, and currently works as a clinical supervisor at Children’s Institute. She lives in Compton with her family and is looking forward to finalizing her first adoption and also continuing to be there with her kids on their journeys.

Promoting Healthy Alternatives to LA’s Food Deserts

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In early February, Children’s Institute held a Family Health Fair in South Los Angeles with the goal of promoting simple ways to live a healthier life to the children and families CII serves. The event sought to expand access to preventative health care while making activities like visiting the dentist or eating plant-based meals more palatable.

Held at CII’s Figueroa Center and sponsored by the Herbalife Nutrition Foundation, the fair brought together 21 community organizations that spanned different health and wellness fields. Community partners like UCLA Mobile Eye Clinic, Benevolence Health Center Inc., and Dignity Health, offered free screenings for dental, vision and blood pressure. Zumba and yoga courses were held throughout the day and wellness tools like electric tooth brushes and fitness trackers were raffled off.

As the day progressed, the importance of regular medical and dental checkups was discussed, but many attendees, volunteers and community organizers kept coming back to one area that was crucial to preventative health and wellness – a balanced diet.

CII works to reduce food deserts in South LAVegan tamales were served by Claudia Lopez and her restaurant Mama’s International Tamales.

Justine Lawrence, Vice President of Head Start at CII, said South LA offers few options when it comes to healthy eating. She said fast food restaurants are often the only option in these neighborhoods and the impact takes a toll on families living in food deserts.

“If you drive around this community, you are going to be hard pressed to find a grocery store that has fresh food,” she said. “We have a lot of children coming into our program struggling with obesity.”

Large swaths of South LA are considered food deserts. The term, created in the 1990s, describes urban areas that lack grocery stores where residents can buy fresh foods like fruits and vegetables. The United States Department of Agriculture has released multiple studies showing that there are large parts of South LA where fast food or processed food are the only available options.

Ongoing studies by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention point to a clear connection between negative long-term health effects in areas where fresh food is limited. As a result, higher rates of obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure have been reported in these areas.

If you drive around this community, you are going to be hard pressed to find a grocery store that has fresh food.

– Justin Lawrence, Vice President of Head Start at CII

Angel Gaines, Site Supervisor for Compton Early Head Start, said she personally struggled with high blood pressure. She grew up in South LA food deserts and didn’t start eating healthy until after join CII and learning about maintaining a balanced diet.

Gaines said an important part of working with children and families is encouraging a healthy lifestyle that includes fresh food. As Gaines promoted physical activity by leading Zumba and yoga courses at the Family Health Fair, she said families are often unaware of the potential negative consequences when they eat only processed foods.

“When we have high blood pressure or diabetes, it is usually caused by what we are eating,” she said.

Olga, who has been attending CII programs since her daughter Sophia was 3 months old, said she appreciated how CII promotes cost-effective ways to make healthy meals while living in food deserts. She said she was able to cook food that is healthy without abandoning family recipes tied to her own Hispanic heritage.

“It opens up a door for people who may not want just raw vegetables,” she said. “Tamales are part of our culture, but they can be vegetarian or vegan.”

Claudia Lopez took this philosophy and turned it into a business. Her restaurant, Mama’s International Tamales, was at the Family Health Fair serving vegan tamales with vegetarian sides.

CII shares alternatives to food deserts in South LAStaff from CII’s Early Childhood Education display healthy alternatives to chips and candy as after school snacks. 

“I felt our community needed more health-based food options,” she said. “It is easy to substitute healthier ingredients like jack fruit or stop cooking with lard.”

Lopez views her restaurant, located in MacArthur Park, as an opportunity to educate people on how cultural foods like tamales can stay delicious while also being healthy. She said people often try her tamales and say they are shocked it was vegan.

Edgar, a parent visiting the Family Health Fair with his three children, said he would have never guessed the food from Mama’s International Tamales were vegan. He said he was drawn to the tamales aroma at the food booth after only being at the fair for a few minutes.

As a parent, Aguila has noticed a positive shift toward healthier eating. He said it is easy as a parent in South LA to get into a routine of eating too much fast food. He was thankful to see cost effective balanced eating promoted by CII and other community organizations.

“We raised our kids on McDonald’s for years, but now we’re more into cooking at home with kale, arugula and cauliflower,” he said. “Eating well is a big factor in growing up healthy and not getting sick.”

As many pointed out at the event, long-term success for South LA is continuing to expand the number of healthy food options while keeping costs low.

The average household income for neighborhoods in this area range between $33,000-$45,000 according to data published by the LA Times. Spending $10-$15 for a quick and healthy meal, which is often the cost in Santa Monica or West Hollywood, is not within the budgets of most residents in South LA.

Lakisha May, a field marketer for fast food startup Everytable, was offering up an example on how businesses can better serve residents of South LA food deserts and stay profitable. May said Everytable has a sliding scale for menu items. In South LA, Everytable items cost less than at their restaurants in other parts of the city where average incomes are higher.

For South LA to eat healthier, having affordable options will be crucial.

“It is different for people with less resources,” May said.

Thank you to event support from: Herbalife Nutrition Foundation; Mama’s International Tamales; CII Intensive Programs; LA Public Library; CII PowerUp!; CII Project Fatherhood; Herman Ostrow School of Dentistry of USC; CII PABC; CII PFF, P&A; UCLA Mobile Eye Clinic; Eyeglass Store of OC; CII ERSEA; Benevolence Health Centers, Inc.; CII ECS; Dignity Health; Susan G. Komen; California WIC; Fun Dental 4 Kids; AltaMed.

Building Skills One Robot at a Time

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Students from Chaminade College Prep brought robotics back to CII’s PowerUp! after-school program last week in what will be a monthly program at the Otis Booth Campus. The series aims to expand involvement of fourth through seventh graders in STEAM subjects by partnering with eager high school robotic students ready to share their knowledge.

The PowerUp! program at CII works with children facing adversity in Los Angeles by providing curriculum and activities that will enable them to succeed in school, at home and in the community. When the students from Chaminade’s robotics team, called Eagle Engineering, visited PowerUp! in the fall to present about robotics competitions, the group saw potential for a longer-term partnership. This would include PowerUp! kids learning to build and code their own robots.

Through two fundraisers, Eagle Engineering raised enough money to start a robotics program at PowerUp!. They purchased kits for two different robots that came with software to program commands for the machines. With the purchases, the group committed to leading monthly classes for the remainder of the school year.

Chaminade and Childrens InstituteA student from Chaminade College Prep goes over direction with a CII client as they work to assemble the robotic kit.

At their first meeting, many of the kids had little to no experience writing program code for robot commands, but by the end of the class, the kids were celebrating as their newly built robots mastered new activities like wheeling around the room or picking up a water bottle with a mechanical arm.

Christina Gideon, Senior at Chaminade College Prep and Vice President of Business Operations with Eagle Engineering, said he appreciated the opportunity to share his experience in robotics with a younger generation.

“I like working with the kids and seeing where they need to learn more,” Gideon said. “It is definitely awesome to see how much they already know,” he said.

Two kids benefiting from Gideon’s guidance were fourth grader Hector and seventh grader Katheryn. After figuring out how to program movements on the robotic arm, Hector and Katheryn paused for a moment to figure out how to write code for the remote control.

There will be millions more jobs created in this field and we currently don’t have enough people for them.

-Tommy Smeltzer, Robotic Program Director at Chaminade College Prep

“It is kind of hard and frustrating,” Hector said.

Katheryn looked to Eagle Engineering Business Manager Yiwen Zhao who was standing nearby. He pointed to a section of the code that might be tripping the kids up. Hector and Kathryn swapped ideas and eventually typed in some code that worked.

Other students from Eagle Engineering helped guide the kids through physically assembling the robotic parts. At two tables, the kids spent time screwing together pieces and testing wheels.

Kaylee, a sixth grader, took a break from assembling the robots with fifth grader Matthew. Kaylee said she was having fun while building new skills she would use later in school. She said her code being used to make the robot move around the room was her favorite part.

“I enjoyed the whole thing because I learned new stuff about computer science,” she said.

Chaminade Prep CII RoboticsVice President of Eagle Engineering Christina Gideon looks over CII clients as they write code for the robots.

Robotics Program Director Tommy Smeltzer said students are motivated to partner with kids at CII. They believe they are making an investment in bringing more diversity to STEAM fields. He said any of these kids could pursue a career in a STEAM field.

“We can’t continue to fill important roles in STEAM if we are not pulling from a balanced swath of our population,” he said. “There will be millions more jobs created in this field and we currently don’t have enough people for them.”

In the last decade, there has been a growing emphasis on STEAM courses and careers. According to Pew Research Center, STEAM, which stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, Art and Mathematics, has seen a 79% increase in job growth since 1990. The career field is expected to grow steadily over the next decade. That same Pew study also found that on average, STEAM careers make 26% more than similarly educated non-STEAM careers.

Nawal Salim, Experiential Learning Manager at CII who oversees PowerUp! programming, said a robotics partnership was a natural fit. As an after-school program that works with kids facing adversity and toxic stress in Los Angeles, the program helps to grow self-esteem while supporting kids as they cope with trauma.

We’re trying to keep kids motivated academically and find value in learning.

-Nawal Salim, Experiential Learning Manager at CII

In addition to robotics, the program has given kids access to lessons in yoga, electronic music production and ballet. While fun for the kids, each has a strong educational component.

“We’re trying to keep kids motivated academically and find value in learning,” she said. “They may not see the importance of math as a subject, but can understand its purpose while building a robot.”

While pleased with what will be accomplished with the robotics program, Salim said she is looking forward to future additions to PowerUp! that will bring other new experiences to the kids in the program.

Father-Daughter Tea is Steeped in Fun

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Project Fatherhood welcomed 35 families to CII’s Otis Booth campus on a rainy Saturday in February for the 7th annual Father-Daughter Tea. The princess-themed party included tea cup painting, manicures, frame decorating and tiaras.

The event celebrates the unique relationship between fathers and daughters, and is one of a dozen special programs that CII’s Project Fatherhood organizes each year.

The Junior League of Los Angeles has been a long-time sponsor of the Father-Daughter Tea. This year, the group sent 30 volunteers and donated the tea sets and picture frames.

Noemi Vasquez, Care Coordinator at Project Fatherhood and lead organizer of the event, said the Father-Daughter Tea is one of the most popular events each year.

“From the moment the girls get that tiara you see them feel special,” Vasquez said. “It’s amazing to watch the reactions of daughters being celebrated while also looking up to their fathers.”

Victor lost his dad at a young age while growing up in a gang-affiliated part of Los Angeles, and never thought he could have a close, supportive relationship with his own children. He said going to the event with his two daughters is like a dream come true.

“My 5-year-old daughter was so excited that she asked me to go out with her to buy a dress,” Victor said. “Just knowing that she will always remember special times like this makes me feel happy and blessed to be a dad.”

Jessie was also at the event with his five daughters. Taking a break from doing crafts, he said he appreciated Project Fatherhood and what the program has brought to his life. He said it was clear why this event, and Project Fatherhood as a whole, was so important to his own relationship with his kids.

“Project Fatherhood taught me to never give up on my children and to never let them down no matter how rough life gets,” he said. “I just love being a dad.”

Just knowing that she will always remember special times like this makes me feel happy and blessed to be a dad.

-Victor, Father enrolled in CII’s Project Fatherhood

Tracy Klein, Chair of the Done in a Day Committee for the Junior League of Los Angeles, said the group has been a long-time partner of CII and loves supporting the event.

“It is always one of the most anticipated Done in a Day events for our member volunteers, bringing us as much joy in participating as we hoped it brought the fathers and daughters who take part,” Klein said.

For Keith Parker, Director of Project Fatherhood, the event is an opportunity to advance the program’s goal of improving the connection between fathers and their daughters. Parker, who joined CII in November to oversee Project Fatherhood, strongly believes in the event.

“Father-Daughter Tea is an opportunity for fathers to spend time with their daughters and work on ways to communicate with each other better,” he said.

Children's Institute Father Daughter TeaVolunteers from the Junior League of Los Angeles carry around trays of desserts to fathers and daughters as they enjoy the event.

While the Father-Daughter Tea is full of fun activities, the core purpose of the event is to educate and encourage dads to be involved in the lives of their children. This philosophy is central to the mission of the Project Fatherhood program at CII.

Started in 1996 by Dr. Hershel K. Swinger, Project Fatherhood ensures fathers who grow up facing adversity are given the tools, support and education to succeed when caring for their own children. Dr. Swinger believed fathers sometimes face barriers and challenges that can prevent them from fulfilling their parental duties. He wanted to create a space where fathers could openly share their love.

In the program, fathers gain access to a group support system, therapeutic activities, and discussions around healthier decision making in relationships.

At the time of the program’s creation, roughly 50 percent of children growing up in poverty lived with only their mother. Often, children who grow up in homes without fathers repeat the cycle with their own family.

A father poses with his daughter as they take a break from festivities at CII’s Father-Daughter Tea.

Edward Berumen, Senior Clinical Supervisor at Project Fatherhood, said Dr. Swinger saw the effects on children when a father is no longer present. With the right support, Dr. Swinger believed in Project Fatherhood’s ability to break the generational cycle of absent fathers. They could help them be present in their own child’s success.

“Fathers play an essential role in families and contribute to a child’s success in school and greater self-esteem,” said Edward Berumen, Program Supervisor, Project Fatherhood. “The focus of Project Fatherhood is to provide a space where fathers can openly share and affirm the love they have for their children.”

Over its 20-plus years, the program has worked with 15,000 fathers and 23,000 children across Los Angeles County.

Berumen said they also hold upwards of 12 events each year that give fathers time to bond with their kids. While the Father-Daughter Tea is all about the leading ladies in their lives, Project Fatherhood hosts softball games, group hikes and movie nights that aren’t gender specific.

“Each event is designed with activities that dads can replicate when they spend time with their kids at home,” Berumen said.