Finding Strength Through Community: A Client's Journey from Fear to Hope
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In order to remove the shame, stigma and silence often associated with domestic violence, we opted to share a client’s story of strength & survival. As this client mustered up the courage to share her story, her hope is that in doing so, it gives others the courage to share their stories and heal in the process.
When I look back on my life, it’s hard to believe how much has changed in such a short time. Not long ago, I was trapped in a cycle of fear and abuse, unable to see a way out – not even really understanding what I was experiencing was abuse. Today, I stand with a renewed sense of hope, strength and a determination to help others find their own path to freedom & safety.
My story began, like many others, one of excitement. I was in a relationship with someone I loved and when we found out we were expecting a child, we took the next step and moved in together. But it was then that the cracks started to show. My partner’s behavior became increasingly aggressive, something I initially blamed on the daily stresses of life, especially after our child was born. My partner struggled with addiction and while there were moments of peace, they were momentary.
The arrival of the COVID-19 pandemic only worsened the situation. The isolation, job loss and the impacts on mental health associated with the pandemic took a toll on both of us which caused him to spiral and quickly. His habit of drinking returned aggressively, strangers from the street would frequently show up at our doorstep and the environment became dangerously unpredictable. On top of it all, his abusive behavior had intensified.
Despite my best efforts to keep my child safe and hold our young family together, the situation reached a breaking point. One night, after a particularly violent outburst from my partner where he threw me against a wall, my partner unexpectedly kicked us out of the home.
Thankfully, my parents took me and my child in but the cycle of abuse from my partner continued for another two years. There were periods where he seemed to get better, only for his abusive behavior to intensify. It wasn’t until one night, after finding him passed out and covered in blood in the kitchen, that I finally saw the reality of the situation. I tried to handle the situation myself but as usual, I was met with his aggression – to the point that my partner nearly ended my life in that moment. He wasn’t just hurting himself; he was endangering my life and my child’s life. When he woke up and tried to end my life, I knew we had to escape for good.
Filing a police report brought Child Protective Services (CPS) into my life and through them, I was connected to Children’s Institute. My goal was to find counseling for my child, who had witnessed far more than any three-year-old should ever have to see but what I found at Children’s Institute was more than just help for him – it was a lifeline for the both of us.
At first, I was hesitant to accept the help offered. I had always been the kind of person who believed I could handle things on my own, but this time was different. I was exhausted, scared and felt utterly defeated. I took a leap of faith and enrolled in the domestic violence and parenting classes, not knowing just how transformative this decision would be.
During the group session at Children’s Institute, I was connected to other people who understood my pain in a way I had never experienced. For the first time, I learned that the things I had been through weren’t just part of life – they were signs of abuse. This realization was both shocking and liberating. And what was key for me was that I wasn’t alone and that this wasn’t my fault. Prior to this, I blamed myself for the abuse I experienced. Somehow, I told myself that I put myself in these situations.
The support I received at Children’s Institute allowed me to start rebuilding my life. I learned about self-care – something I had never considered important before – and the importance of setting boundaries. These weren’t just abstract concepts; they were tools that helped me protect myself and my child from ever falling back into the cycle of abuse.
Additionally, it was through my therapy sessions that I was encouraged to find a community of friends outside of therapy. So, with some courage, I started getting involved in a church. That’s where, for the first time, I found a community of people & friends who embraced and understood me. The love and acceptance that my child and I felt were incredible. Before getting therapy and becoming involved in my church, I was never able to connect with others and form friendships. I even got to throw a friend their baby shower – and for me, I felt like that was a huge success.
Today, I am a different person. I’ve built a strong support system that I can rely on. I have the support system through my church and through it, I have friends who accept and love me and my child unconditionally. I’ve learned how to find joy in life’s little things. The constant state of fear has been lifted off my shoulders and replaced by a newfound sense of peace and purpose.
But my journey isn’t just about surviving – it’s about thriving. I want to share my story because I know there are others out there who are afraid and feel trapped. I want them to know that there is hope for them and that there are people and organizations like Children’s Institute who can help them find their way out of the darkness.
I am forever grateful for the support I received, and I wish I could give back more. I know that one way of giving back is through sharing my story. I hope that my story can be a light for someone else.
*Client’s name has been omitted for anonymity.
For more information & resources on domestic violence, please see below: